I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
