It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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