oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
