dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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