i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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