She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
