After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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