Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
a search helicopter?!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
