you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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