Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
