Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You did what with his pubic hair?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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