plz talk dirty to me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
