Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
