I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize