he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize