U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
