turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize