I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize