Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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