I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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