Kiss
Puke
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
