Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
