I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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