Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
