Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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