I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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