I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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