what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
