the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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