I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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