I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
