He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
