I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
