Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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