do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
