Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
