i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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