So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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