the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize