If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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