You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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