I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
