Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the condom got lost in my hair
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
