you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
