Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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