drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
is wine microwaveable?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
