we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
