Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
