Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
