I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there's paper in my vomit.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
