Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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