I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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