He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
