I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
