I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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