My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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