i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm like, not good at living.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
