I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
