If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
