Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
