Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
