Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
