Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
