I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
