If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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