CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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