Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize