How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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