dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
