I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
