I feel like abortions should bother me more
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
