im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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