I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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